After a few too many vodkas 27 years ago, two British explorers thought it would be fun to play polo on elephant back. Richard Alleyne travelled to northern Thailand to find out if they were right.
Slowly she lumbered her two-ton frame into a lollop, ears flapping wildly and emitting a trumpet as she reached the ball and tee-ed me up perfectly with an unchallenged shot at goal.
With what I thought was an aristocratic flick of my wrist, I raised my nine-foot polo stick in the air and brought it down in an arc towards the target.
I missed completely. The expected thwack of the ball was replaced by a thud as I hit poor Jenny on the foot for all her trouble.
Welcome to my first taste of elephant polo, a sport which I think I can confidently predict will never make the Olympics but for pure eccentricity is nevertheless ridiculously good fun.
It is not exactly seat-of-your-pants viewing, but the image of these beasts trundling around a pitch with pith-helmeted polo players on their backs is not something you are ever going to forget.
Elephant polo has become an international hit, complete with series of grand slams across the world and a circuit of players and hangers on that would not look out of place in a Jilly Cooper novel, only a larger and more exotic one, if that is possible.
It was born one drunken evening 27 years ago when, after a few too many vodkas in a bar in the Swiss Alps, two British explorers thought it would be fun to try playing polo on elephant back.
They were both keen polo players and, as one owned some elephants, it seemed only logical in their drunken haze to bring the two together.
The first event was not entirely successful – especially as the football they used was too easily burst by elephants treading on it. But it was enough for the pair to see its potential – especially as an excuse for a week of socialising in the jungle.
Slowly and surely the sport took off and teams from Scotland, Iceland, Thailand, Hong Kong, the US, Sri Lanka and Nepal now compete in a circuit across southern Asia.
Of course it helps that the pachyderm paradises where the events take place are also impossibly beautiful parts of the world.
None is more spectacular than the King’s Cup in Thailand, which I had the privilege to watch – and take part in.
It takes place in the grounds of the five-star Anantara Golden Triangle resort, a remote hotel in the very north-western corner of Thailand, an area that with its untouched misty mountains and hill tribe villages could not be further from the country’s usual sun, sea and Singha beer tourist image.
This province, where Burma, Laos and Thailand converge, has a long association with growing opium and the surreal scene that greeted me as I rounded the corner to the ground made me wonder if some of the locals were on drugs themselves.
Cut out of the jungle in the flood plain of the Ruak River, a tributary of the mighty Mekong, was a 150 yard long pitch, surrounded by stands made out of bamboo and straw.
Moët & Chandon, Chivas Regal, and Mercedes Benz were just a few of the luxury brand names emblazoned across hoardings and flags, hardly unravelling in the hot, humid air.
Behind one goal was a VIP massage tent, above it an old fashioned Tannoy blasting out the Eighties hits Eye of the Tiger and Michael Jackson’s Billy Jean.
At the other, what looked like a bamboo watchtower that is used to mount and dismount the elephants.
The tournament in Thailand has become such a draw that it now claims to be the sixth largest tourist event in Thailand, a feat marked by the appearance of the King’s representative to award the spoils on the final day.
The game is simple. Two teams of three, kitted out in full polo attire and extra long mallets, joust with each other for two seven minute halves or “chukkas”.
There is a referee and strict rules that forbid elephants from lying across the goalmouth and picking up the ball with their trunks.
Despite the breathless excitement of commentators over the Tannoy, the game can involve quite a few periods where nothing seems to happen and both teams bunch around the ball.
But then it is knocked clear and twelve tons of elephants rush towards it for the process to begin again.
There are plenty of distractions for the spectator.
Nevermind that it was held in the splendour of the Anantara resort – which has an infinity pool that affords views of three countries (and was named one of the top ten in the world by Condé Nast) – supporters also enjoyed seemingly limitless supplies of champagne and gin and tonic – along with a buffet of Thai curry and sushi.
Those feeling the strain of it all could enjoy a Thai massage – while watching the game of course. Après-polo included a sumptuous black tie Gala dinner, held outside on the pitch on the penultimate evening with dragon dancing, a hog roast, lobsters and a chocolate fountain – all rounded off with a fireworks display, disco and Thai lanterns floating across the black jungle canopy.
An auction during the dinner raised 1.9 million baht (£38,000) which goes toward the Thailand Elephant Conservation Centre, which rescues elephants and their owners – known as “mahouts” – from the streets of Bangkok.
Away from the tournament this area offers a real escape from it all. The poppy fields have given way to high-end tourism and trekking trails allow visitors to see ancient tribal villages and temples that seem barely touched by civilisation.
Chiang Rai, 35 miles to the south, has a laid back night market, and dotted around the jungle are old river shacks and paddy field barns that have been converted into superb restaurants serving Thai delicacies.
If you are lucky, like us, the hotel staff will bring the baby elephants to the resort terrace so you can pat them as you enjoy cocktails on the terrace.
If you are even luckier you will have a go at playing which brings me back to my ride on Jenny. After my embarrassing miss, I was determined to leave my mark on our match. Jenny, however, was having none of it, and like a sulking Premier League footballer decided to spend the rest of our match hanging around on the sidelines.
There was nothing I or her mahout could do to make her return to the fray.
After all, as Prasop Tipprassert, an expert in elephant behaviour told me later as we toasted our steeds in the Moët & Chandon stand: “If an elephant doesn’t want to run, they don’t run.”
From the ridiculous to the sublime…
In order to recover from the ordeal we travelled to Anantara Phuket, a resort on the Andaman Sea, comprised of 82 pool villas built on a five-acre man-made lagoon. It was all beautifully appointed dark wood and white linen. There was not an elephant foot lamp to be seen, you’ll be glad to know.
Essentials
Kuoni (01306 747008 or www.kuoni.co.uk) can tailor-make holidays to Thailand and offers 10 nights on bed and breakfast basis, staying 5 nights at the Anantara Resort, Golden Triangle Chiang Rai in a deluxe room and 5 nights at the Anantara Phuket in a pool villa, including flights with Thai Airways from Heathrow with private transfers in resort. Prices start from £1,999 per person based on two sharing.
The Kings Cup Elephant Polo 2010 event will kick off on Monday 15 March 2010 and details, including spectator packages, will be posted on the website nearer the time (www.anantara.com).